The Date Which Will Live in Infamy

Today is not really the day that lives in infamy. Feburary 11th, 2003 is because that was the day Poppie died. I was in fifth grade, and we went up to New York for the weekend, to see everyone, as my mom put it. We were really going up to see Poppie before he died. He wanted to see all his family before he died, and with the exception of maybe one sons and a couple of grandkids, he got to do that. We arrived on a Saturday and went straight to the hospitial becuase everyone thought he was going to die that day. I remember the hospital room like I'm there now. His room was at the end of the hallway, right by a little waiting room with a TV and chairs, where me and my brother ans sisters and David ending up spending the majority of our time. We walked into the room with mom and being the oldest I went up to the bed last. He said hi to everyone and held their hand, but when I went up he said "I love you". That was probably the last thing he ever said to me, and the only thing I really remember. I said it back, and meant it, more then I think I have every really meant it before. Poppie was so sick, he was barely himself. He was no longer the grandfather I adored who would watch me swim in the morning when no one else was up, or even the sick man who I help feed and listened to him talk about ships. He was a cancerous lifeform in place of him. I remember as I was up at the bed, he said he wanted us to love him. My mom and aunt thought he wanted us to rub him, but I heard him. I loved him so much. After that my mom made us leave the room and we went and watched That's So Raven for another couple of hours until we left and went to my other Grandparents house. That was Saturday and the last time I saw him. He died on Tuesday. I was 10, the oldest fo my four siblings. Shannon was 8, Trisha was 4 and James was 3. They don't remember much about that week, but I remeber everything. I remember going shopping on Wednesday for clothes for the funeral. We olny brought enough clothes for the weekend and we ended up stay for close to two weeks. I remember the wake on Thursday. There was one in the afternoon and one at night and I remember insisting on going to both. There weren' t that many people at the wake in the afternoon but the night wake was packed. My grandfather knew so many people, and help so many people. I remember a poem written by a lad who was a patient of my grandfathers. THe Title was "King of Hearts". He was a cardiologist, and inspired me to follow in his footsteps and become a doctor. I remember going up to the casket with my parents. They thought I was scared because I was backing away from the kneeller, but I didnt think there was enough room for all of us. I remember being so strong that week, and not really crying that much. I remeber hugging my uncles, who I saw cry for the first time. Thinking baout it all just makes me wonder how I could have handled it as a 10 year old girl, when as a high school student now I'm tearing up just thinking about it all. Throughout the week all the aunts and uncles were preparing his funeral in the dining room. I always loved that room, but that week it was a sign he was really gone, and there was still alot to do.

The reason I hate valentines day is not because I think its a Hallmark card driven holiday, or I hate signs of affection. I dislike the time of year because Feburary 14th, 2005 was my grandfathers funeral. I remember trying so hard not to cry at the beginning of the mass, because I had to do a reading. I worked so hard on it, trying to understand it and pronoucing the big words I didn't know. 5 years later I can't remember a single word, but I remember the feeling of going up there, seeing the entire church filled for my grandfather. I remember seeing my parents a few rows back. I had to sit up front with my cousin David and Grandmother and my uncle and his wife. I had made it through that part of the mass without bawling, but when my uncle got up and gave the eulogy, I just started crying, and crying, and crying. I cried the entire rest of the mass and I could not stop. I wanted my mom so badly but I was upfront without her. I remember walk out of the church behind the casket, and my mom waiting for me, and I just hugged her and cried until there were no more tears, and there were still more tears to cry. I remember going out to lunch at a resteraunt in Port. People were laughing and cry and celebrating my grandfather the way he would have wanted. After eating my aunt took me and my cousins to the musuem in town that we always went to. They have different exhibits up everytime we go there and they had up the Beakmans World exhibit, and I remember running around that museum for hours, becuase there was nothing else to do. I went through that place so many times, and all I can remember is this one little area that was like a Jungle Gym that I played on the most. I miss my grandfather so much, and every year when Valentines day rolls around, all I can remeber is a funeral, and crying, and trying to be strong for my brothers and sisters. I miss him so much. But, I know he would want me to be happy, but this time of the year, I can't be. I'm sorry, but I can't. I won't.
Ms.Music.Lover